Unterekless Thoughts

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

2008-07-25T00:27:00.001-04:00

Update your bookmarks, update your RSS feeds, etc.

Unterekless Thoughts has moved to:

http://unterekless.com/

Obama Gaffes

2008-07-24T14:40:00.000-04:00

Well edited.

"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... SCARED!"

2008-07-24T13:41:00.002-04:00

Screech is publishing a tell all book about SBTB.

Basically, this is the best news ever.

Fred Wilpon understands the New York media as well as we thought he did

2008-07-24T13:37:00.003-04:00

"I said (to Omar Minaya) 'When are you going to do this?' He said 'After the game (Mets-Angels, June 16).' I wasn't smart enough to say, 'And cut the New York press out of it?' I didn't even think of it," Wilpon said. "I screwed up."

That's great, Fred, no need to "even think of" the press. They're pretty timid and respectful here in New York anyway.

Geez.

Britta always told me her agency wouldn't be a good fit for me...

2008-07-24T12:28:00.003-04:00

Britta: one for the intern annals
me: oh no
you have an intern? poor thing
Britta: he bought a crepe maker and a case of nutella
and is currently in the kitchen making crepes for the entire agency
me: what?
why?
Britta: "its my last day, just wanted to thank the office"
like, words i cannot summon
he was also the one who has worn a suit every day

[...]

Britta: jesus christ
not only is it crepe intern day
there are two white purebred pigeons in the office
me: what?
Britta: there are two albino pigeons
in [agency redacted]
right now
flying around

I didn't care about global warming before

2008-07-24T11:56:00.002-04:00

And I'm not sure efforts like this are going to change my mind.

(Via BWE)

I'm pretty sure all that bling is a choking hazard...

2008-07-24T10:24:00.003-04:00

I don't really think Gangsta Babies require much comment... do you? So sad that Jerry Manuel would find these dolls more gangsta than me.

(Via Andy)

A picture's worth 1000 minutes waiting in a bread line: photos of Communist Russian playgrounds

2008-07-23T13:14:00.003-04:00

Ummm that's creepy.

And this is dirty.

More here.

Mazel Tov, Paul!

2008-07-23T11:13:00.003-04:00

Paul climbed Kilimanjaro and took a picture at the summit naked covered by a Williams banner. (I'd link, but I'll let you all go check it out on your own. I don't want to be responsible for crashing Facebook).

Anyway, in honor of his achievement, I give to him (and the rest of you): Jewish Girls in Bikinis.

With the help of five Israeli models and one of their Jewish-American counterparts, self-consciously quirky Heeb magazine has released a calendar for the Jewish year 5769 - in a pull-out photo spread tastefully titled "The Ladies of '69.

Like Shaq before him, Ryan Howard shows that rapping and athletic skills do NOT go hand in hand

2008-07-23T10:52:00.003-04:00

Video here.

(Won't embed for some reason).

It's really a matter of which you think is more important...

2008-07-23T10:20:00.004-04:00

Today we learn that:

Economists think a McCain presidency is better for stocks

But an Obama presidency is better for t-shirt sales

Maybe McCain should launch a "better economy, more topless people" campaign.

Just a thought...

But is there ever really a bad time for s'mores???

2008-07-23T09:43:00.002-04:00

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

(Via Mike via QDB)

No man wants to be a "gastrosexual"

2008-07-22T16:34:00.003-04:00

Gastrosexual is the new term "cooked" up (ha!) for men who cook to seduce women.

Men who cook = sexy
Men who call themselves "gastrosexuals" = lonely

Many women now believe men are actually better cooks than them. According to the research a fifth of women say their partner is a better cook than them. This rises to a quarter in women under the age of 34.
Interestingly the findings indicate men's new found enthusiasm for the kitchen does not mean they are interested in other household chores.

(Via NYMag Daily Intelligencer)

New facebook: great for advertisers, yucky for the rest of us, probably the same for pedophiles and stalkers

2008-07-22T13:04:00.003-04:00

You can check out the redesigned facebook here.

I'm not a fan, but the advertising space greatly increases.

I just think it's confusing... why would anyone want their wall and their newsfeed combined?

Clever new viral McCain campaign

2008-07-22T12:44:00.002-04:00

John McCain's site is letting you vote on your favorite media love song to Obama. This one was winning 84/16 when I checked:

Sadly, the two videos use the same media clips (all of which are reminders to throw up a little bit), but still, good use of Web 2.0 by the GOP!

Ellie's decision making tree!

2008-07-22T11:13:00.002-04:00

Click to enlarge.

Via MentalFloss blog.

Hamlet 2 = New movie I can't wait to see

2008-07-21T21:38:00.001-04:00

Amy Poehler? The Gay Men's Chorus of Tucson? A musical number called "Rock Me Sexy Jesus?"

Count me IN!!!

"I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff."

2008-07-21T15:35:00.002-04:00

Watch the first minute for some incredible insights into 20-year old voters today:

You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it’s kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I’m so moody all the time, I know I couldn’t be able to run a country, ‘cause I’d be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?

Yeah, honestly, I was never a Hillary fan, but this makes no sense -- first of all, the "emotional" card is pretty patronizing to pull out and second of all, no woman experiences menopause and PMS simultaneously.

But whatevs, let's just all thank the state of Florida for helping this loser graduate high school.

Great moments in irony

2008-07-21T15:33:00.003-04:00

Big Mac Chant

15 years ago, this dude was arrested for robbing a McDonald's. Today he's a finalist in their jingle contest.

(Via Lydia via TechCrunch)

Cooking with boys

2008-07-21T12:42:00.001-04:00

Ellie: that sexy spoon thing made me so hungry
but if i leave the library i have to pack up my computer
me: it made me want a boy to kiss me in a kitchen while holding flat leaf parsley
Ellie: i find cooking with boys highly problematic
because they just get in the way
and don't know how to do anything
it's not even remotely romantic
me: maybe you're not good at giving tasks
Ellie: please i'm a teacher
i delegate like a pro
and if [redacted] weren't retarded maybe he'd be easier to cook wth
but if i'm like "here [redacted] cut up this pepper"
he somehow ends up cutting his finger, bleeding all over the pepper, and then dropping it down the garbage disposal while attempting to rinse it off
so then i have to tell him to sit down and watch TV

Good for a quick Monday chuckle

2008-07-21T10:45:00.001-04:00

(Stolen from Andy's gchat status)

Apparently, my mom gets down...

2008-07-21T09:23:00.001-04:00

On my birthday party pictures:

We're down with them!
You look sizzlin' Mistletoe.
Thanks so much!!
xxoo, M.

Love watching it, but don't want to eat it

2008-07-19T14:57:00.001-04:00

(Via swissmiss)

I fell in love with Metallica 15 years ago too when my brothers received the Metallica CD/VHS fan truck

2008-07-18T17:10:00.003-04:00

Brother Cesare, a.k.a Brother Metal, is a 62-year old monk and the lead singer in a heavy metal band:

Brother Cesare says he has never had any trouble with his superiors over his choice of musical career and would like to send his new album to the Pope. "He is a music lover and metal is music!" he says.

(Via Jesse)

Birthday Party Countdown!!!

2008-07-18T16:40:00.005-04:00

Tomorrow, I'm spending the night with a KNIGHT!!!

A Sonnet to Celebrate Karen’s 25th Birthday
(By Barbara, Ellie, and Karen)

In fair New Jersey where we lay our scene
Our lovely maiden’s turning twenty-five
On this most blessed day July 19
So join us for a drunk New Jersey drive

In fact, NJ Transit will be our mode*
Of transportation to Medieval Times
You should venture from your urban abode
If only to reward us for these rhymes

Prepare to be amazed by jousts and knights
And feast upon the fare of days gone by
So grab a crown, your lute, and favorite tights
But email Karen first with your reply

Below you’ll find details for this fine fête
Which will be full of times you won’t forget

*Even for the sake of maintaining iambic pentameter, we are not advocating drinking and driving

It's only 4 minutes, freaky, freaky, 4 minutes

2008-07-18T15:05:00.001-04:00

Please take this survey.

I promise it won't take more than 4 minutes.

I just don't get how America keeps getting fatter and the clothes keep getting baggier...

2008-07-18T13:57:00.002-04:00

Police officers can now arrest anyone in Flint that wears sagging pants, slapping them with up to a $500 fine and a year in jail! They have also declared that the style gives probable cause for an officer to search you.

No worries, baggy pants wearers of Flint, Michigan: the ACLU says this is racist and illegal. I say it's silly.

But still, men, please wear pants that fit.

A-rod's new PR strategy

2008-07-18T13:54:00.001-04:00

"If it's true Madonna has sampled Alex's charms, then she'll know what I mean when I say she's a lucky lady," Candice Houlihan told the London newspaper.
"And if not, then I can tell her he is the most amazing lover she'll ever have and she should give it a whirl."

Wonder if he made Scott Boras write this script.

A completely different kind of pot brownies

2008-07-18T13:51:00.002-04:00

Police found thousands of marijuana plants being grown in a remote part of a Girl Scout camp, according to court documents and a scout official.

This didn't happen at my camp... the closest anyone got to getting high at Camp Sunset Hill was from all the craft glue.

Well, I should just give up now

2008-07-18T09:01:00.001-04:00

Last night I said I wanted to do my own version of this. But, Andy sent this to me, and I don't think it can, realistically, be topped.

Word du jour: Grawlix

2008-07-17T23:52:00.003-04:00

Grawlix is the term for the string of characters used to indicate cursing, you mother f@!$ers!

(Via HF&J)

Tunak Tunak Tun

2008-07-17T23:50:00.002-04:00

Ellie found this for me. And it's AMAZING and I'm going to learn the dance and then clone myself and make my own copycat video.

Not surprisingly, this is from Barbs

2008-07-17T16:52:00.001-04:00

It's pronounced UN'-terr-reck-ker

2008-07-17T16:31:00.001-04:00

Thanks, Chicago Tribune

(Via Married - and famous - Brother)

Things I Love: Cheeseburgers

2008-07-17T15:47:00.003-04:00

I love a really good cheeseburger (medium rare, NO lettuce).

Alan Richman pulled his top five and, I agree on three and haven't tried the other two... looks like a trip to Big Nick's and Peter Luger is in my future. Anyway here they are in no particular order:

1. Shake Shack
2. Big Nick's
3. Blue Smoke (seriously, my absolute favorite burger in the city... and sweet potato fries!)
4. Burger Joint (thank you, Evan, for introducing me)
5. Peter Luger

UWS/Brooklyn for a burger, anyone?

How Tories see the world

2008-07-17T15:31:00.004-04:00

Click to enlarge and view all titles. I particularly enjoyed the islands in the lower right quadrant, known, to those familiar with them, as Indonesia.

(Via Mike who was familiar with Indonesia)

"The Umbuster has been classified a Class 5 weapon by good and upright men and women of the Victorian Police."

2008-07-17T14:22:00.003-04:00

Jesse knows I'm concerned about security and rain au meme temps, so she found me the Umbuster:

To have and to hold this accessory requires a weapons licence and, or gun licence.

It's not available yet, but when I get one... WATCH OUT!

Ireland is sooooooo Sexpensive!

2008-07-17T14:18:00.002-04:00

The World's Most Expensive Places to Have (Safe) Sex:

Pretty slick!

2008-07-17T00:30:00.002-04:00

Frankly, I've felt like the Hip Hop routines having been lacking a bit this season. Until tonight:

Comfort and Twitch were "buck" according to Lil' C. I still don't know what "buck" means, but this routine was the best hip hop on SYTYCD in ages.

Yo, Shorty

2008-07-16T22:39:00.003-04:00

Mental Floss has a list of 10 Famous (Non-Midget/Dwarf) Little People:

1. James Madison, 5′4″ (Shortest President ever. He only weighed about 100 pounds.)
2. Charlotte Bronte – 4′9″
3. Charlie Manson – 5′2″ (Who knew such a little guy could be so terrifying?)
4. Danny DeVito – 5′0″
5. John Keats – 5′ and ¾ an inch
6. Edith Piaf – 4′8″
7. St. Francis of Assisi – 5′1″
8. Pablo Picasso – 5′4″
9. Alexander Pope – 4′6″ (Pope had tuberculosis which stunted his growth.)
10. Martin Scorsese – 5′3″ or 5′4″ (Sources vary.)

A.K.A. 10 People Whose Size Creeps Me Out

Don't bring a knife to a toothed fish fight, Jesse!

2008-07-16T22:34:00.003-04:00

Jesse details the background here, but not very long story short... you can't defend yourself against walking fish OR my kickass YouTube skills

Jesse and I agreed, the dramatic music really added to the whole creepy effect.

Udderly AWESOME

2008-07-16T22:27:00.002-04:00

Jesse found this. I have no use for it, but I WANT it.

We live in an incredible country

2008-07-16T16:14:00.003-04:00

Heidi Montag from The Hills and Meghan McCain (John's daughter) had lunch together.

(Via Married Brother)

Ellie and Daniela are on blog (and best friend) probation

2008-07-16T14:26:00.004-04:00

Last night Ellie and Daniela called me out for only posting blog conversations where I'm the funny one.

1) It's MY blog
2) I AM the funny one
3) I need new friends who don't say things like "Every conversation is the same: Ellie says 'hi,' Karen says something hysterically funny, Ellie says 'ha!'"

Applications for new non-Chinese BFFs are being accepted.

Denver Democrats embarrassed by homeless people

2008-07-16T13:23:00.003-04:00

The DNC wants to hide all the homeless people during the convention by sending them to the movies and the zoo.

"It just sounds like another way to get rid of them," said Kayne Coy, 17, who volunteers feeding the homeless twice a week at Civic Center Park through the Food Not Bombs organization.

That's because it is, Kayne.

But I'll be honest, sending homeless people to the zoo where tigers have better shelter and more food seems a little cruel. Maybe that's just me?

Derek Jeter AND David Wright are both more popular than A-Rod

2008-07-16T13:17:00.003-04:00

So no one went to A-Rod's party on Monday night.

But Jeter's party had Billy Crystal, Michael Jordan, and Derek's new girlfriend, Minka Kelly from Friday Night Lights.

Not only that, but A-Rod's own teammate, Joba, went to David Wright's party (that also featured Gossip Girl castmember appearances).

I think if I read this book, I'll probably have to stop going to baseball games

2008-07-16T13:06:00.002-04:00

Some 300 people a year are hospitalized after being hit by foul balls at major and minor league games, according to a study by Robert M. Gorman and David Weeks for their upcoming book, “Death at the Ballpark.”

I wonder how many people die from being scared to death by the freaky mascots?

I love the Mental Floss t-shirts... help me decide between:

2008-07-16T13:00:00.003-04:00

This:

Or this:

My milkshake brings all the oil to the yard...

2008-07-15T18:15:00.002-04:00

Mental Floss told me six things I didn't know about oil, including:

The oil used on screen in There Will Be Blood was actually created using the same industrial material used by McDonald’s to thicken their milkshakes. “And I’m not kidding. That’s actually true,” said cinematographer Robert Elswit on CNN’s Oscar Blog.

NASTY.

Democratic National Convention to be attended by celebs

2008-07-15T18:10:00.003-04:00

So the DNC loves to wheel out all of the beautiful people who love them. And fortunately for the rest of us, more time with Scarlett Johansson on camera means less time hearing about Obama's really concrete plans for healing our nation.

They have announced that Kanye West, Wyclef Jean, and N.E.R.D. will perform music shows. Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson, Warren Beatty, Annette Bening, Forrest Whitaker, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Cheryl Hines and Edward Norton Jr. have promised to smile for the cameras. Corporate sponsors include United Airlines, Google, Coors Brewing Company, Anheuser-Busch, Xcel Energy, Motorola, Qwest, and AT&T.

I also think it's great that the Democrats are proving to the party of unification early. Only Obama could bring together the Coors Brewing Company and Anheurser-Busch as corporate sponsors from the same vertical.

There'll be some love making, heart breaking, soul shaking...

2008-07-15T11:32:00.004-04:00

iPod Shuffle's giving me some En Vogue that I can feel

Little people, falcons, and homeless people...

2008-07-15T09:47:00.003-04:00

me: i forget how small you are
be sure to wear heels on saturday
Daniela: oh please
heels to Medieval Times? no way
what if i get called out to participate in the joust?
i can't do that in heels
me: OMG
what if i get called on to participate in falconry
Daniela: it will be hilarious
do you have a big thick glove
you should bring that
so the falcon can land on your hand
me: no, but i could steal one from a homeless person at the port authority
except hobo gloves often are missing fingers
that's the mark of a hobo
Daniela: karen, sometimes they don't even have shoes!
me: homeless people?
well, i don't want homeless shoes!
Daniela: i don't think their first order of business is falconry paraphernalia
me: if i were giving clothes to a homeless person, i'd be more inclined to give them falconry gloves than say... a lace corset
Daniela: fair enough
although maybe a lace corset wouldn't be a bad thing for a homeless person
they're fashionable these days... and can be worn in day and into night!
versatility! isn't that what homeless people need?
me: i think they need homes
Daniela: pshaw
remember what i told you about homeless people?
me: they're all fun & games until you watch one of them get head outside of the 23rd street subway entrance?
Daniela: that very very few of them (less than 5%) actually are without homes all the time
me: oh
your stat is probably more relevant
Daniela: karen, i swear, you are on some fucking homeless person radar - they only do crazy shit when you're around

Best Week Ever asks, I answer

2008-07-15T00:07:00.004-04:00

What is the worst song on your iPod?

My top 5 worst are:

Captain and Tenille, "Love Will Keep Us Together"
Rando Christian Group, "Shine, Jesus, Shine"
Luther Vandross, "One Shining Moment" (Best part of March Madness IMO)
Mase, "Welcome Back" (Seriously one of the worst songs ever)
Tracy Byrd, "Drinkin' Bone"

Not familiar with "Drinkin' Bone?" It's bad, really, really bad. And I LOVE it.

I seriously almost died today!

2008-07-14T23:58:00.002-04:00

Tonight I had a near death experience in the Time Warner Center restroom.

I spotted the Dyson Airblade super cool hand dryer and immediately had to try it out:

But when I put my hands in, I was so startled by the sound and sudden blast of air that I jumped and slammed my wrist backwards inside the hand dryer.

And now my wrist hurts.

Just a warning to anyone who encounters this magical dryness machine in the future.

Shocker! Old-time hot dog sellers didn't follow future health code rules...

2008-07-14T23:50:00.003-04:00

The NYTimes, an authority on being frank (ha!) has published a fascinating op-ed on the hot dogs that used to be sold at Ebbets Field.

Guess what? The old hot dog venders used to sweat into the water they were boiling your hot dogs in:

While I’m guessing the $5-plus hot dogs at Yankee Stadium come out of spotless industrial kitchens, the 20-cent franks I hawked in the mid-1950s had a slightly different provenance.... If the fork or the mustard stick fell on the ground, no problem — you wiped it off with your handkerchief. The water that the hot dogs were sitting in would often turn mustard-colored in the tray, and on hot summer days you’d be sweating into it.

Well thanks, NYTimes! I had been toying with requesting a sweaty water dog from 1954 next time I go to Yankees Stadium, but thanks to your cracker jack (ha! ha!) reporting, looks like I'll be sticking with my:

Passive Aggressive Appetizers from the New Yorker

2008-07-14T17:05:00.001-04:00

They have fourteen, but here are some of my faves:

Vegetarian friends? Try veggie rumaki: wrap a strip of imitation bacon around a water chestnut, spear with a toothpick, and broil—but instead of imitation bacon use real bacon, and instead of a water chestnut use veal.
Steal Cheryl’s famous potato-salad recipe. When Cheryl asks, “Why did you steal my recipe?,” say, “I don’t know, Cheryl, why did you break my heart?” Then laugh so she knows you’re just kidding.
Have you ever noticed how sun-dried tomatoes and top-grade peyote look exactly the same? Not a suggestion, really. Just saying.

Maybe my favorite picture taken in the past year or so...

2008-07-14T16:41:00.001-04:00

Weapons of Mass (Rain) Protection...

2008-07-14T16:37:00.002-04:00

Elena found me the Incredible Unbreakable Walking Stick Umbrella: it's an umbrella, walking stick, AND self-defense weapon.

You need to go to their site, however, to view the video demonstration.

Our Unbreakable Umbrella has no unusual parts, no more metal than an average umbrella, it does not arouse suspicion, can be carried legally everywhere where any weapons are prohibited, unlike a walking stick it does not cause strange looks if carried by an able-bodied person, and it does protect from rain. Anyone who can use a stick for defense can use this umbrella.
Do you know how to swing a baseball bat? Do you know how to strike with a sturdy stick? If you do, you know all you need to know...

Just amazing.

Triste, mais vrai...

2008-07-14T08:07:00.002-04:00

The world as seen from Paris (or at least from my host mother's Paris...):

(Via Britta)

A Jerry feature right before the All-Star break

2008-07-14T07:58:00.002-04:00

It's the All Star break and my Yankees are 6.0 games out, not very interested in scoring runs, and a bit distracted by the lethal combination of A-Rod's sex life and Giambi's mustache.

Fortunately, the Times turns its attention to Mets manager/my future BFF Jerry Manuel:

After Sunday’s game, Manuel played down the notion that he played a role in the resurgence.

“We just got some good pitching, “ he said, “and I just happen to be sitting in that seat to get a good view of it.”

[...]

“Once you get fired — in that time in between jobs — you look at yourself, you check yourself out,” Manuel said. “You have to look yourself in the mirror all the time and ask, ‘What did I do wrong?’ You can’t blame others; that’s the first part of the healing process — lashing out at others. After a while you come back and say, ‘Let me check Jerry Manuel out and see where he went wrong.’ I thought that was one of the areas I needed to correct.”

We don't really learn anything new about Jerry except that getting fired makes you stronger, blah, blah, blah.

I'm sure the soundbite where he calls me "gangsta" was edited out...

C'est le 14 juillet!

2008-07-14T02:08:00.001-04:00

Happy Bastille Day!

Web 2.0 and the Political Party

2008-07-13T20:29:00.003-04:00

The GOP is embracing Web 2.0 (shockingly before the Democrats... although we won't discuss Presidential candidates' websites since McCain's looks like it was built on Geocities/Angelfire in 1999).

Anyway, they launched a new site and facebook app to let interested parties submit their ideas and opinions to contribute to the party's platform.

Honestly, this is just a really great (and sensible) idea. The site is clean and decent although the facebook app really doesn't have any functionality.

I can't believe I'm blogging this...

2008-07-13T20:22:00.002-04:00

me: i need help thinking of accomplishments of mine
have i done anything impressive in the time that you've known me?
Ellie: nope
me: barbara can't come up with any accomplishments either
i feel like such a loser
oh nevermind:

Barbara: you did team in training in disneyland
graduated from the best college in the country
etc.
i can go on for a long time

Ellie: i've got some too
you peed on the front lawn of the president of williams college
me: NO I DIDN'T
i took my skirt off
Ellie: you took your pants off
same thing
me: and walked home skirtless
not even close to the same thing
Ellie: well there you go
me: one involves my sexy legs and one involves urine
Ellie: you're right
so i guess you can't put that on your list
peeing would've been a real accomplishment
taking skirt off is not
me: disagree
one requires nimble fingers
one requires a working bladder
anyone/thing can pee
but a dog couldn't take its skirt off
Ellie: ok ok
so put it on your list

Old faves

2008-07-13T19:29:00.003-04:00

I finally replaced my 4-year old PowerBook with younger, cooler, sleeker, faster MacBook this weekend (FYI... iPocalypse 2008 was NOT the best time to go to the Apple Store).

Anyway, in setting it up again, I decided to return to an oldie, but goodie background image.

This is Matisse's "Le bonheur de vivre" or " The Joy of Life"

I love the colors and lines. And I think it is perfectly titled... it's made me so happy all day today.

THIS is why he's our Idol

2008-07-13T02:09:00.003-04:00

David Cook performed an acoustic set at a UCLA Cancer fundraiser earlier. I won't post another version of "Time of My Life" because I was very nicely informed by Mike that he's "had pukes that sound better."

HOWEVER, Cookie did a beautiful rendition of "Livin' on a Prayer" which was, incidentally, his audition song.

Okay, fine, a little self-indulgent, but pretty solid none the less.

(And a nice Bon Jovi tribute in honor of tonight's "free" concert.)

R.I.P. Tony Snow

2008-07-12T13:04:00.001-04:00

Via Associated Press

Daniela makes her first blog appearance!!!

2008-07-11T13:43:00.003-04:00

me: you move to DC too
here's what i can offer you
ME
fun food
a democrat in the white house
Daniela: flirting with politicians?
hahaha
i've always wanted to date a secret service agent
me: dark suits are hot
Daniela: i know! as are dark glasses
me: i don't want to date anyone who could kill me if i reveal a secret
since... ummm... i do that a lot
Daniela: oh, he won't tell you anything
they're good like that
me: but i could seduce it out of him
you've never seen me in seduction mode
Daniela: you can live in blissful ignorance
...no...
...wait...
you're karen
me: another pull for DC is the people are significantly less attractive
i'm a 7 in nyc
but i'd be a 9 in DC
Daniela: so true!
i think it's the intense heat
it makes them wither or something
me: and the bad clothes
Daniela: and they're not as fashionable
me: RIGHT!

Find More, Use Less

2008-07-11T13:23:00.001-04:00

I'd love to say this is why I now take the subway everywhere. Except really it's just impossible to get a cab where I live in the mornings!

These are my confessions...

2008-07-11T10:30:00.003-04:00

Okay, not sure what happened, but somewhere in the past couple of weeks, I've become a full-fledged Crocs wearer.

Gasp! Shock! Horror!

I should clarify, I'm not talk about these nasty things:

I'm talking about these:

Swear to you, the most comfortable shoes EVER. And my loafers aren't being ripped up on my walk home anymore.

But yes, the shame element is definitely still there.

Can't we let this one die?

2008-07-11T08:06:00.005-04:00

Admittedly, I still haven't seen SATC: The Movie, but I don't think I can take a sequel. The freaking out and set-stalking during filming, the reports on how every 20-something woman who lives in New York came because she wants $700 shoes and to marry Mr. Big, and the news reports on actual girls like this waiting in line for midnight showings or flying in from Kansas to watch the movie here.

No judgments, but I just can't handle it a second time. Sorry :-(

Receiving emails like this break my heart

2008-07-11T07:49:00.003-04:00

A friend wrote this in an email he sent recently:

A Mets game? Am I crazy or weren't you a Yanks fan freshman year? Didn't you used to coo about Derek Jeter or was that just [Redacted]?

Sad face.

Oh, and I don't coo. It's just not in my nature.

Clarifying previous post...

2008-07-11T07:46:00.004-04:00

Obviously, the Goldberg article doesn't fall into the "New Obama" articles camp... however, I still think it should be read.

I worked for a company that mandated participation in a Community Service Day and for the rest of my life I will ask future employers if that kind of crap is required.

Blech.

Mandatory Reading: Focus on Obama

2008-07-11T00:07:00.002-04:00

Interesting articles this week on the "New Obama:"

Goldberg on Mandatory Volunteerism:

Volunteerism is good. But why does every good thing need to be orchestrated by government? Most people think churchgoing is a good thing. Does that mean government should fund churches?

Joan Walsh from Slate feels "Betrayed By Obama:"

I've admired Obama, but I never confused him with a genuine progressive leader. Today I don't admire him at all. His collapse on FISA is unforgivable.

The Economist provides an even-handed take on Obama's recent "flip-flops:"

Mr Obama needs to embrace centrism as a matter of conviction rather than flirting with it as an instrument of political expediency.

Lowry on Obama's past few weeks:

In the past few weeks, Obama has broken two pledges (to take public financing in the general election and to filibuster legal immunity for telecoms that cooperated with the government in terrorist surveillance); has belittled his own rhetoric during the primary campaign (saying it could get “overheated and amplified” on the issue of trade); redefined his promise to meet without preconditions with the leaders of hostile states until it’s basically meaningless; endorsed a Supreme Court decision striking down a Washington, D.C., gun ban his campaign had previously said he supported; and made muddy, centrist-sounding statements about his positions on Iraq and abortion that he had to go back and try to clarify.

"Let me help you be a magical Jew; baseball hasn't had one since Rod Carew"

2008-07-10T23:52:00.005-04:00

The New Yorker has given us selections from A-Rod: the Musical and it's more magnificent than I could even have imagined.

Some highlights (but really, do read the whole thing):

A-ROD:
The dinner cost at least two grand
She made a point to order wine
Later on she moved my hand
Well across her borderline
I boldly went where many, many
Many men have gone before
Dennis Rodman, Warren Beatty,
Vanilla Ice, and dozens more
Dear diary, can sex be love?
She’s so responsive, so adoring
She called my hand a golden glove
And Cynthia is huge and boring

MADONNA:
A-Rod
Please stay-Rod
Don’t go away-Rod
Two balls and no strikes
Me likes, me likes
When you’re around I feel better
Like I just won a double-header
Plus, my spiritual teachings can
Make you a more well-rounded man
Let me help you to be a magical Jew
Baseball hasn’t had one since Rod Carew
.

Last time I checked, NYMag, we don't vote for the wives

2008-07-10T23:46:00.002-04:00

I understand why the future First Family makes the news and I've certainly discussed/debated the future First Ladies. However, sentences like this one are upsetting:

Okay, is Cindy McCain trying to hand Michelle Obama the feminist vote?

Guess what, New York Magazine? We're not voting on them. And, if Cindy wants to redecorate the White House, good for her. Playing hostess is actually a major part of the job description.

Situations like this make me less interested in going to the zoo...

2008-07-10T23:38:00.002-04:00

About 40 people got stuck on the Skyfari tram at the Bronx Zoo and had to be rescued via crane.

Those people should be sooooooo grateful I wasn't onboard with them. I would have been freaking out.

Picture my reaction around foul balls at baseball games plus my general freak outs when birds come near me and multiply by my massive fear of falling.

Ellie educates me on California

2008-07-10T12:20:00.003-04:00

Background: I'm researching a new field... and two of the stronger degree programs are in California

Ellie: where in california?
me: one at usc and one at uc-berkeley
Ellie: go to USC!
it's in the GHETTO
me: oh then that's off the list
Ellie: berkeley is decidedly not in the ghetto
but you'd be the only republican for at least an 80mile radius
me: ugh
so troubling
Ellie: southern california has lots of republicans
arnold, for example
me: true, true
and forest fires
Ellie: well, yes
also in northern california, though
me: where are the earthquakes?
Ellie: northern
san francisco
everything else is in southern cal
fires, mudslides
me: implants and mudslides?
Ellie: correct
i think you should move to cali right away
and if worse comes to worse, you can be my dog walker
i'll pay you $7/hour
me: dude, i'm walking celeb dogs
for $50 an hour
and i'm starting a celeb designated driver service
oh except i don't like to drive
Ellie: that's a great idea
me: i could be a celeb designated walker
"i'll walk your dog during the day and you at night"
ironically the other programs are at u mich and penn
Ellie: ann arbor is awesome
also very liberal
me: blech
to the entire state of michigan
not to liberals
if i blog this, they might decide to unfriend me
and i only have like 3 conservative friends
oh and 2 libertarians

Not sure whether I'm more troubled by the dog's owner for getting one or Amex for approving it

2008-07-10T11:27:00.004-04:00

A collection agency on behalf of Verizon has been chasing down Andy Fanelli for a little while now claiming he owes $142. Blah, blah, blah, long story short: it was the wrong Andy Fanelli because the Andy Fanelli they were harassing was a dog.

Ha! Mildly amusing!

Here's the weird part, the reason the dog's name was even listed in any kind of collection system is that Andy Fanelli, the dog, has an Amex card:

Andy Fanelli, who is Steve Fanelli's and Donovan's Lhasa Apso, has its own American Express card that Donovan got when it was offered for "family members."
"It's an active card. From time to time I take my girlfriend's to lunch on Andy," Donovan said.

Who are these people?

(Via Lydia)

"She's my f--king soul mate, dude."

2008-07-10T10:58:00.002-04:00

Supposedly A-Rod said this about Madonna.

Honestly, what do A-Rod and Madonna possibly have in common?

My list includes: both like Madonna's music, both have STDs, both like Miami, and... ummm... that's pretty much it.

A cab driver once told me I looked like a Bollywood actress...

2008-07-10T10:12:00.001-04:00

Josh and Katee did a Bollywood number last night. Fantastic!

Right now!

2008-07-10T09:16:00.003-04:00

Last night, Barbara and I (sans Ellie since she had a bit of a painful wipe out in the middle of the street...) went to the Mets/Giants game. I took photos, but none of them came out particularly well, although I still might post later.

Anyway, during the 30-minute rain delay -- the upside of Loge covered seating means not needing to hide on the concourse from the rain* -- Shea played really awesome music. In fact, the music was significantly better than it is during games.

I had almost forgotten how much I love Van Halen's "Right Now" (although a recent road trip reintroduced me to "Jump" so it's not like I'd forgotten Van Halen altogether...)

*Incidentally, the downside of Loge covered seating is poor ventilation. Which makes the whole game feel like you're sitting on the 7 train...

In 2009, I'm giving up kosher hot dogs (at Mets games)

2008-07-09T16:26:00.002-04:00

We knew Shake Shack was coming to Citi, but a Blue Smoke outpost??? And a taqueria??? And, again, a BLUE SMOKE???

Danny Meyer, how I wish you were a Yankees fan.

I'm too punny for words

2008-07-09T14:08:00.001-04:00

Last night while debating how to pronounce "gyro," I sang a lovely rendition of "I can be your gyro baby..."

Kali groaned and I told her that version of the song was by En-Greek-e Iglesias.

Ha!

This is certainly no reflection on my dins with Kali, Daniela, and Mitchell last night...

2008-07-09T13:30:00.002-04:00

Kissing Suzy Kolber offers a rant about group dinners that I found... very funny and accurate (depending on occasion):

Ever have to go to a group dinner at a tapas restaurant? It’s agony. You order a shrimp app, and they bring out 5 shrimp for a fucking table of 8. I’ve gone to tapas restaurants, plunked down $45, and taken a grand total of five bites. Hey Spain, if you want to starve to death, you go right ahead. The rest of us like fucking eating more than a pea for dinner. You bullfighting queers. Mata-WHORES.

Funniest thing the Stone brothers have ever done...

2008-07-08T13:20:00.003-04:00

Lydia shared this with me today and it's very very funny. Incidentally, the Stone Brothers have a cameo.

Disney Extreme Vacations

2008-07-08T11:52:00.002-04:00

I got the chicken pox the first time I went to Disney World but that was nothing compared to:

Chiapas Experience
Enjoy a fortnight in central Mexico hiding in caves with the Zapatista revolutionaries, sleeping on a bed of dirt with your gun for a pillow, and freezing in the high altitudes of the beautiful Chiapas countryside. Drink tequila till you are blind with love and rage, and dine on the crispy fire-charred bodies of small unidentifiable mammals. Enjoy an overnight stay in a Mexican military jail, complete with a friendly interrogation session and expedient deportation. Includes choice of a Cinderella backpack or Bambi beach bag. $1,400 per person.

[...]

Orlando Escape
Wander sweating and hungry through undeveloped Disney property after being dumped from a pickup truck in the middle of the night in the backwoods of the Vacation Capital of the World. Dine on fresh squirrel with redneck squatters in their rustic plywood homes deep in the haunting transitional swamp-to-scrub-brush landscape. Kick back with some homemade corn liquor that could dissolve your shoes, listen to barely comprehendible stories long into the night, then sleep like the dead in a hollowed-out cypress. Includes a free one-day pass to the Magic Kingdom. $800 per person.

(Via McSweeney's)

Thank goodness I never liked Tic Tacs

2008-07-07T17:03:00.001-04:00

(Via Elena via Post Secret)

“I really want to get the word out about mentally challenged dogs. My dog is retarded.”

2008-07-07T16:30:00.004-04:00

So when I asked Elena if she watched I Love Money on VH1 last night and she responded, "No, even I have standards," I knew I was in trouble.

Thank goodness, someone at VH1's Best Week Ever already blogged about the shame and glory that is I Love Money. And, coincidentally, pulled my favorite lines.

It’s exactly like The Gauntlet, except 400 times more trashy. I didn’t think it was possible either.

[...]

REASON I LOVE IT, #1:
Midget Mac’s answer to the question that all contestants answered: “What will you do with the $250,000 prize money?”
“About 200,000 is going to my momma and my daddy, and the other 50 is going to strippers.”
There was an awkward pause after he said it, and then Mac said, “For real, I’m trying to be real with you! That’s what I’m do!” At least he’s honest.

REASON I LOVE IT, #2:
Megan’s answer to the same question:
“I really want to get the word out about mentally challenged dogs. My dog is retarded.”

REASON I LOVE IT, #3:
Nibblz, commenting on the “Money Grab” challenge:
"Today’s challenge is not about strength or smarts, so I’m hoping I can win this!"

Friends don't let friends buy Mets t-shirts

2008-07-07T11:48:00.002-04:00

Background: On Wednesday, Barbara, Ellie, and I are going to the Mets/Giants game to watch Lincecum take on Santana. I've never seen Barbara at a Giants game and I've been warned it's intense. Seeing Lincecum, however, adds a whole other dimension and Barbara's VERY excited.

me: http://sanfrancisco.giants.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080706&content_id=3075497&vkey=news_sf&fext=.jsp&c_id=sf
Barbara: I KNOW!
aren't you SO excited?
me: to cheer for santana?
YES!
maybe i'll buy a wright t-shirt
Barbara: i hate you
me: i'm wearing this on wednesday
http://shop.mlb.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3033448&cp=1452359.1452833.1485375
Barbara: good for you
too bad i have your ticket
me: crap
that's a good point
Barbara: HA!
me: why don't i pick up my ticket tomorrow
before you see what i'm wearing
Barbara: HA!
i will seriously refuse to be your friend if you show up in mets garb
me: why would i ever spend money on mets clothing?
the only reason i'd wear a mets shirt
is if david wright asked me to
Barbara: what if jerry manuel asked you
me: only if he promised to tell me i looked gangsta in it
which he no doubt would
because i, no doubt, would
Barbara: riiiiiiiight

"I'm not here to make friends"

2008-07-07T11:45:00.001-04:00

A tribute to the greatest line in reality television

Well, I like her briefs...

2008-07-07T10:32:00.003-04:00

Thrillist managed to find HotAttorney -- a blog featuring "hot attorneys of the day."

If you like hot chicks in pantsuits, this is the site for you!

If you need a bday present idea, I'd LOVE this...

2008-07-07T09:50:00.002-04:00

Okay, actually I wouldn't.

But it's still pretty fun in theory.

(Via Gizmodo)

"The passion is raw, but the hot dogs are cooked!"

2008-07-06T16:52:00.002-04:00

Barbara made me tivo the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Friday and watch it later.

I was captivated. If you don't watch, you should if for no other reason than the kick ass announcing.

Pop culture references were all over the place, however, at some point Paul Page said "he's like Chikezie Eze with those hot dogs."

Ummm... I don't think Chikezie should be the Idol finalist getting ESPN references at this point. It's Cookie, Archie, or bust.

Also, next year, Barbara and I are going to find a way to be Bunnettes.

Happy 4th of July!

2008-07-04T13:30:00.002-04:00

Today's a really good day to remind yourself how lucky you are to be an American (if you are one). As VDH reminds us today:

...We should remember two truths about America. First, the United States remains the most free and affluent country in the history of civilization. Second, almost all our problems are lapses of complacency, remain relatively easily correctable, and pale in comparison to past crises.

Read the whole article here.

Chicken Fat!

2008-07-04T13:26:00.003-04:00

We had to actually do this routine in elementary school. I always thought it was found and ridiculous developed by Ms. Kennear, our morbidly obese gym teacher.

Apparently, JFK commissioned it. You need to listen and read lyrics, both available here.

(Via Liberal Fascism)

Apparently face tattoos will ruin your life

2008-07-04T13:18:00.003-04:00

This LA Times profile of Carly Smithson's husband, Todd, is only worth your time if you have little else to do.

That said, it does include one sentence that I might nominate for overstatement of the century (right up there with someone at US Weekly telling me that Brad Pitt and Jen Aniston's separation was like "the shot heard round the world"). After Todd got his face tattoo, society treated him differently and, according to this LA Times writer:

But remarkably, for one who’s treatment sounds almost reminiscent of the Jim Crow South, as Todd speaks of his experience his speech seems completely free of bitterness or rancor toward society.

So there we go. Good for you Todd for putting up with sitting in the back of a restaurant. What a hero for civil rights!

Ellie's Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-03T18:10:00.002-04:00

Ellie's in town for an entire three and a half weeks of fun-ness! This is particularly exciting for all you blog readers getting a little sick and tired of a certain Chinese friend of mine.

Look how happy I am to see Ellie! And how... ummm... whatever, she's just pretending to not love me.

Mia Michaels choreographed the two best dances last night

2008-07-03T11:48:00.001-04:00

The ABSOLUTE best (and I hadn't even cared that much about Twitch & Kherington):

The second best (and you know I ADORE Joshua):

Rest of the night was kind of forgettable IMO

Obviously don't care about Tigers or Twins, but... WOW!

2008-07-03T11:45:00.001-04:00

Pretty impressive.

Acoustic version of Madonna's "4 Minutes"

2008-07-03T11:39:00.002-04:00

Clever! And not performed by anyone doing A-Rod.