Whoa! Real journalists don't like bloggers!

Bob Costas says that there are a number of blogs where "the quality is poor and the tone is abusive" which I'm assuming is not talking about me.

That said, Buzz Bissinger takes on Will Leitch and it's... ummm... intense?

This is extremely disturbing

...and I'm not sure which is worse -- these women who "mommy" their husbands or the namby-pamby men they marry:

She picks out his clothes before they go out, styles his hair, makes his lunches complete with "I love you" notes inside) and takes it upon herself to apply the toothpaste before handing him his toothbrush each night.

Goodness. Who are these people?

(Thanks to Lydia for the find!)

JDB Countdown!

I'm seeing Josh Dion Band on Friday night! Here they are performing my second favorite song of theirs... but they're SOOOOOOOOO much better live.

I think this is BEAUTIFUL

...but I can't make the video embed.

You should watch it though and get goosebumps!

(Also, Jimi Westbrook is super hot. And married a gorgeous brunette named Karen.)

Idol Predictions

Okay, I'm thinking:

• Jason & Brooke are the bottom two.
• Jason goes home.

BUT, Archu-average is not doing so hot. Why would anyone try and sing "Sweet Caroline" well? That's one of the best drunken singalong songs of all times... which means it's probably not a good pick for a sexually-confused Mormon choir boy.

Maybe there'll be a major upset this week and he'll hit the bottom two.

Also, Neil Diamond, I don't care how long your career has been. Last night was painful. Ugh.

I guess Duke is the right place for him

So my fight with Paul was mainly surrounding the fact that he could go to med school in NYC and instead is going to NC. AND, he's already announced he can't come to my birthday party because he'll be backpacking in the woods.

However, I'm a forgiving woman and little texts like this remind me why he's my favorite Communist Jewish vegetarian...

"last night was a shitshow. It started with me singing the theme song to mr. belvedere in front of a packed bar. Then strippers got involved and it eventually ended with a trip to royal farms to buy a meatball sub capped off with me yakking it all out off of my balcony"

I'm still not sure this is the solution

Airport food is evolving:

In the ambitious menu for Gordon Ramsay Plane Food, a restaurant that opened last month in the new Terminal 5 of London Heathrow Airport, Mr. Ramsay, the celebrity chef, has made few obvious concessions to the locale. A diner might start with a pea, leek and goat-cheese tart, followed by braised lamb with honey and cloves or steamed wild sea bass with lemongrass and white asparagus. And if the prospect of a belt-straining flight isn’t too alarming, there’s a Valrhona chocolate fondue with bananas, marshmallows and waffles for dessert. Three courses cost about £32 — or $64 — before wine or tip.

Now, I love good food and this all sounds wonderful, but I feel like there's an opportunity for something in an airport that is better quality than a soggy sandwich or quesadilla spring rolls at the Chili's To Go and a $64 3-course meal. In Europe, all the airport cafes have to-go sandwiches made on FRESH bread with non-slimy meat. How hard is that to pull off people?

I wish Intern Pete had been in this class...

At NYU, some kids found razor blades in a muffin. Apparently they were leftover from a previous class.

Maybe it's the former camp counselor in me, but honestly couldn't you just write a paper about razor blades in muffins? I can't imagine this was necessary.

"If I had a rabbi who brought this much game, I wouldn't have spent this Passover neck deep in a bacon and cheese crossandwich"

I meant to post this yesterday.

OMG PAULA!!!

FYI for those who didn't see it... these comments came after the contestants had only sung once...

Now there are no excuses

So there's been tepid interest in joining me at the Zoo, but NO ONE wants to go to the Aquarium with me.

People, aquariums are better than zoos:

• They don't smell
• They're climate controlled
• There's NO CHANCE of a gorilla attacking you
• Your shoes don't get covered in popcorn

Anyway, thanks to the fine people at Bank of America, we can go to the Zoo AND the Aquarium (as well as the Met, the Jewish Museum, the Hall of Science, and the Center for Photography) for FREE.

How did I miss this???

Liz just told me that this reminded her of the Duke kids doing the Ignition Remix which must have been sent around over a year ago.

It's well worth the four minute commitment to watch.

Greatest new reality show

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

I'm obsessed with "The Paper." It's amazing. Really.

Anyway, you can catch up with all episodes on mtv.com, but here's the best part of last night's episode. Alex and Alix get together when Alex texts her "Will u b my girlfriend <3?">

They're supposed to be writing a report, but they're going to be making out the whole time like a couple of crazy teenage kids with the same first name.

I want it THIS way

This morning, iPod shuffle brought me the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" and I was all prepared to come in to work and share the video in all its glory with you.

Unfortunately, the BSB decided to disable video embedding... but the related videos on YouTube got piqued my interest.

This version of "I Want It That Way" by "Two Chinese Boys" is pretty much the most amazing thing EVER. Interestingly enough, they broke out the parts the same way Liz C. and I did when we used to sing along to this in the car. (FYI... I'd be the Chinese boy on the right and Liz would be the Chinese boy on the left).

Oh YouTube, you make me so very happy

Official Blog Announcement: PAUL AND I ARE THROUGH

Paul and I are no longer friends.

This also means:

• I will not be converting to Judaism
• He will not be becoming a Dermotologist
• We will not be getting married

Another one stolen from Andy...

Shocker of the century: I have some driving problems

Liz gets major bonus points for always cheering me up -- which she did quite well this morning -- but also, for going to Engineering Camp with me AND dealing with me driving everyday to school for Junior spring and all of Senior year...

me: OH, you know what we never discussed?
the American Idol finalists doing "Shout to the Lord"
Liz: do you remember being stuck in 476 afternoon traffic and blaring it out of the windows?
with rednecks staring at us?
me: yes
Liz: it didn't even matter
i wasn't embarrassed
i had the lord at my side
me: we used to sway
oh i miss driving with you in the explorer
Liz: i don't miss driving with you
yikes
truck lane
me: ok, i had some lane-changing anxiety
and some merging anxiety
and some parking anxiety
Liz: SOME?
me: and some speeding anxiety?
Liz: hahahahaha
me: i still drive pretty slowly
but that's b/c i respect the road so much
that i want to spend as much time on it as possible
word to the 10 mph under the speed limit

Roger has bad taste in women, trainers

Oh, Jesus, Roger, what were you thinking?

Turns out Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with Mindy McCready. Let's count the ways in which the story is weird:

• They met when she was 15 and he was a 28-year old married father of two!


• They used to party with Monica Lewinsky and Michael Jordan (when did you ever think you'd see those two in one sentence)


• Mindy is a total mess -- she's been arrested for prescription fraud and had a near-overdose while pregnant


• Roger used to FedEx her boxes of cash to help cover her legal expenses


• Debbie Clemens kept busy during this time by starting her own line of denim jackets:

So true, so true!

From Britta...

Forgotten Garth

Wrapped Up In You (video)


This song isn't one of my top Garth picks, but iPod shuffle served it up at the gym today and I felt compelled to share it with you all.

That said, I don't totally get why Garth is singing "wrapped up in you" to a bunch of elderly hick checkers players. But whatevs.

Job market of the future?

Married brother passed this one on...

Doormen don't make passes at girls who wear glasses

I had a terrible headache last night and totally didn't want to go out, but Catherine promised me a quiet girls' night with prosecco and chocolate and cheese... oh my!

I wasn't totally sold, but then she told me wasn't dressing up and I realized I could keep my glasses on and not apply eye make-up and ran out the door. I mean I didn't look like a complete troll...

As I was leaving my building though, I heard my doorman say "Goodnight Mister" and was shocked... do I look like a man with my glasses on?

Suddenly, all I could think about was the time my former officemate told me that I reminded him of the girl in She's All That -- "you know, because you wear your glasses and your hair up and look all nasty and then when you don't, you look hot."

So yeah... I'm in contacts today :-( and probably watching She's All That tonight.

Making me proud to have had him as a teacher...

...Michael Lewis was possibly my favorite prof at Williams (definitely top 3). I thought his op-ed in today's WSJ was dead-on.

It is often said that great achievement requires in one's formative years two teachers: a stern taskmaster who teaches the rules and an inspirational guru who teaches one to break the rules. But they must come in that order. Childhood training in Bach can prepare one to play free jazz and ballet instruction can prepare one to be a modern dancer, but it does not work the other way around. One cannot be liberated from fetters one has never worn; all one can do is to make pastiches of the liberations of others. And such seems to be the case with Ms. Shvarts.

People are idiots

For some reason, this reminded me of the cake we got for Drew's birthday senior year that read "Happy Birthday Bryant Gumbel!"

Best nerd timewaster ever

Last night, after calling someone else a nerd I managed to bring up my Math team participation and came to the conclusion that people in nerd houses should not throw stones.

So, embracing my nerdiness, I give you all TypeRacer.

You can challenge coworkers to type-offs or just practice yours.

And once you get decent, you can challenge me. If your ego can handle the beating...

Documentaries are the reality television of the movie world

I want to see this... even though I'm not a huge fan of old people.

Paul & I fight, make-up, then fight again

me: i hate that we're fighting
can't we work through this?
Paul: we are fighting?
me: yes, we're in a huge fight
Paul: oh
whose fault is it?
me: objectively, probably mine
but personally, probably yours
Paul: interesting distinction
well then, personally, i apologize
me: thank you!
how's passover going?
Paul: oh, i don't keep kosher for passover
me: oh... just like you didn't keep vegetarian for vegetarianism?
Paul: yeah, but i still get to keep sanctimonious
me: ellie says we should get married
when are you going to propose?
Paul: once i finish my dermatology residency
me: SWEET!
tell me when you enter your final year and i'll start the conversion process
Paul: i think its a bigger conversion from me to go from dirty hippy activitist idealist to dermatologist
than for you to go from waspiest girl in the world to jewish princess
me: objectively, i agree
personally, i disagree
Paul: shouldn't our goal in life, of self-actualization, be to merge the personal with the objective?
me: but i'm soooooooo good at compartmentalizing

HK: Airy upstairs with an S&M Dungeon bathroom

Last night Kali and I went to HK for dins. They opened up one of the walls garage-door style so were able to enjoy the beautiful weather. My waitress issues were minor and my merguez was delish (lamb sausage combines two of the best things ever -- baby animals and sausage!)

Here's the thing: the bathroom was scary. You leave this bright, cheerful dining room, walk down a staircase, and end up behind a glass door in a bathroom with no overhead lights, only votives. It was pitch black and scary and there was this odd nook to the side with mirrors on all of the walls, but no sinks or even a shelf to rest make-up on.

Really. Creepy.

I almost wished I had Kali for protection, but she's so tiny she couldn't have done much.

Google Reader has been abuzz with Carly news this morning...

Apparently the LA Times, NY Mag, and Entertainment Weekly (as well as the 311 other publications that reported on this story) aren't as in touch with what America wants as I am.

America doesn't care that Carly belted out "Jesus Christ Superstar." America's too distracted by her fleshy face and ugly tats.

American Idol is not a radio show. And if you're not better than my two Davids, and no one is, you're going home at some point before the finale.

Introducing... the "Will Camille Make It on My Blog?" watch!

Camille sits across the hall from me and desperately wants to be featured on my blog.

As I told her, blog appearance requirements are rather simple:

• Say something funny/clever
• Send me something funny/clever
• Inspire me to say something funny/clever in response to something interesting you say
• Be Barbara

So today, April 24, marks the first day of the "Will Camille Make It on My Blog?" watch.

Let's see how long it takes Camille to say/do something that I deem blogworthy... or how long it takes her to decide to not be my friend because I'm so annoying... ;-)

I was a little bit wrong, but still so RIGHT!

Okay, so my bottom three was so wrong that there wasn't even a bottom three.

That said, at the end of the day, I was right!

• Yesterday I told you "I want Castro to leave, but I'm thinking it's lights out for Carly the Tattooed Lady."
• Later on gchat I told Mike: "i'd bet you anything carly goes home tonight"

And as I'm telling myself this baseball season, no matter how ugly it was, a win is a win.

Score:
Unterekless: 1
Entertainment Weekly: 0

Robyn's having some trouble with Passover

So yesterday Robyn had some brownie (in all it's leavened glory). And today we had this exchange:

Robyn: Karen! I want a sando!
Me: So have one.
Robyn: I can't.
Me: Then I don't know what to tell you. Why are you being so difficult?
Robyn: It's because I'm a Jew.

(Cue sad face and depressed slow walk out of my office).

Thoughts on Idol last night...

So, Carly, Jason Castro, and Brooke White are my bottom three:

• Carly is ugly to look at
• Jason is ugly to look at and ugly to hear
• Brooke is a dud

And shockingly, David Cook officially took the lead as my favorite David. I thought I only had Idol eyes for a 17-year old Mormon, but this is shockingly not the case.

Also, Jason Castro is a moron.



I want Castro to leave, but I'm thinking it's lights out for Carly the Tattooed Lady.

Slate asks the same question I've been asking for a year now: "Why Aren't You Watching Friday Night Lights?"

Here's the first paragraph:

The second season of NBC's Friday Night Lights is available on DVD starting today. If you have yet to tune in—and to judge from the Nielsen ratings, this describes most Americans—it's time to get with the program. The show, which is ostensibly about high-school football in the fictional West Texas town of Dillon, has something for everyone: enough testosterone-fueled football and violence to grow chest hairs by watching it, some of the most vivid and complex female characters on television, and sex and booze to pique any teenager's interest. Despite this mature content, the series is also a profoundly moving and edifying "family drama" as the genre has never before been conceived. If none of this interests you, maybe you don't actually like television.

If you never watched, read the whole article and feel compelled to become a fan next season. If you have watched, read the whole article to feel smug about your own superior taste in television.

"Peanut-kid" is becoming hate speak

An eighth grader in Kentucky was arrested Sunday on a charge of felony wanton endangerment, accused of planting peanut butter cookie crumbs in the lunchbox of a classmate with a severe peanut allergy, the Associated Press reported. The lassmate, whose allergy a school spokeswoman said was well known, didn’t eat the dangerous morsels.

This whole story reminded me of my old manager who when exchanging horror stories about our respective interns (more on Intern Pete at another time...) told me that one of her interns found out the other had a peanut allergy and planted peanut butter sandwiches in the office.

On misogyny

Ellie: have you read a movable feast
me: yes, it's possibly my favorite book of all time
i love hemingway
but my 12th grade english teacher told me i had the literary tastes of a misogynist
but i went to an all girls school... how much toni morrison can one person read?
Ellie: i get in fights with the stupid women in my department like everyday
toni morrison is an unbelievable weirdo
me: also maya angelou and virginia woolf
not a fan
Ellie: oh i enjoy virignia woolf
but i throw up all over maya angelou's books

New favorite time waster

MASTERMIND.

I used to love this game.

Turns out, I still do.

Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me #5

Geek Pants led me to this one:

• I went to engineering summer camp. And made Liz C. come with me. And mercifully, she forgave me at some point.

Pants that are ugly AND give you carpal tunnel are probably not a good thing

Ummm... to Unmarried Brother who desperately needs to get better pants... these aren't they.

Today's Thrillist pic made me laugh... and oddly reminded me of Ellie...

Thrillist explains how all their newsletters work HERE.

Guess what you're doing on May 2...

Coming with me to the Josh Dion Band concert!

Seriously, I heard them once and it was the best concert I've been to (with the exception of being solicited for groupie sex by the guitarist for Brooks & Dunn/getting a pick from Alan Jackson).

So let me know and I'll get tickets.

NYC CD RELEASE SHOW!!!
May 2, 2008 @ Highline Ballroomwww.highlineballroom.com
Buy advance tickets at Ticketweb.com
431 W. 16th St.New York, NY
Cass Dillon @ 8:00pm, Derek James @ 9:00PM, JDB @ 10:00pm, after party w/The Blue Method @ MidnightTickets are $12.50 in advance/$14 at the door

HAPPY PENNSYLVANIA PRIMARY DAY!!!

Tomorrow (today by the time you read this) is the Pennsylvania Democratic Primary. Thank goodness, this has been taking forever! Admittedly, I've been a non-participant in the election for some time now (and haven't been a Pennsylvania voter since I said a painful goodbye to Santorum in 2006), but I am a very proud Pennsylvanian.

I thought it was important to celebrate the day with a totally relevant and fabulous part of my past. For Halloween 2004, Daniela, Rachel, and I went as swing states. And on this Pennsylvania Primary Day 2008, I'm resurrecting my appearance as Pennsylvania, the Swing State.

Front:


Back:

This also leads into another "Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me:"

• I kept stick-on felt letters in my dorm room throughout college for impromptu costumes and craft projects.
  

Peggy was brilliant, per us

My love for Peggy continues. Her whole piece from Friday was great, but here's my favorite snippet:

All first ladies, first spouses, should be like Denis Thatcher, slightly dazed, mildly inscrutable, utterly supportive. It is the only job in the world where "seems slightly drugged" is a positive job qualification.

Looks like all WWE fans will be writing in for Jesse Ventura

Also, this copywriter should be shot. Every word was painful.

"Nice Lebanese Girl, Allegiant to America"

me: barbara wants me to rename my blog "lebanese infidel"
Ellie: i wouldn't do that
the CIA will be on you
me: good point
Ellie: you could name it "nice lebanese girl, allegiant to america"

On matters of support, I'm always right.

Reviews are in from friends on the Biolift:

• Text message I received on Sunday: "I'm LOVING it! I keep wanting to tell people about it then I remember that's probably inappropriate."
• Blog post today

Seriously, everyone go get one ASAP.

And, VS, get rid of the rhinestones.

What Brings You Here?

It's time for another "what brings you here" round up! Here are some of the search terms that have stuck out as being... interesting.

A reminder that in order to qualify for "interesting," the term itself must be odd or oddly arranged/punctuated/spelled OR it has to be amusing to me and/or make me question why anyone would type that into Google in the first place.

• "phil hughes" 9.00 era
• "tina fey", "30 rock", cleavage, "cougars" (Okay, really a bizarre search query... wonder what they wanted to find...)
• damion easley asian (Ha! Barbara, it looks like other people are suspicious too!)
• kobe beef masturbated (Ummm...)
• ugly douchebags
• vomit sound

So, all in all, one of the more random search term round ups!

I LOVE this! (Also, I totes have a little crush on Dimitri Martin)

Guessing Games!

me:

Ellie: also: who was the redacted guy in photo blog who barbara remembered making out with?
me: she said i could tell you!
Ellie: i really really love that photo of barbra
me: i'll give you some hints
Ellie: oo ok make me guess
me: he went to [Prep School Redacted]
Ellie: [Correct Name Redacted]

Barbara: HAHAHAHAHA
how the hell did she guess???
i've made out with a lot of people! it shouldn't be this easy!
me: i don't know but that's my favorite exchange EVER
Barbara: that you are NOT putting it on your blog

"I love a good wide body!"

Today, Barbara and I decided to go explore Brooklyn. Recent events have suggested that maybe the universe is telling me to leave Manhattan. And while Austin, Chicago, San Fran, and D.C. are all on the list, my aversion to driving suggests I maybe stay somewhere with solid public transportation.

Anyway, my confusion is your gain because here's an unnecessarily long photoblog of my trip to Brooklyn. Oh, and of course I spent the whole morning listening to Mos Def's "Brooklyn" in preparation.

Here's a token picture of an Asian making a peace sign to kick it all off:


It was such a beautiful day that EVERYONE seemed to be on the Brooklyn Bridge. Barbara thought it looked like the Oregon Trail. Karen thought it looked like the Trail of Tears.


I started to get nervous about leaving Manhattan and decided to anxiously bite my nails in the middle of the bridge.


In Central Park in broad daylight, people like to have sex in front of me. Yet, here in Brooklyn, there was an open space and it was surprisingly naked emo people free. Here I am asking: "Where are all the ugly people having sex?"

(N.B. Across the way, a homeless man was going to the bathroom and Barbara wanted me to take a picture, but I got nervous he might come after us. Besides, you see one homeless man go to the bathroom in front of you, you've seen them all!)

The rando place we stopped for lunch, Oven, should have been called Slow. They totally forgot to even start our food until we'd been there for 40 minutes. It should be noted, however, that I was very nice to our waitress despite all the problems.
Here's Barbara staring sadly at her empty plate.


I'm ready to dig in! But, oh wait, I still have no food.


Brooklyn has lots of cute tree-lined streets. Here's one:


What a beautiful day! We decided to take an "aren't we so pretty?" picture on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.


For some reason, we both found the name "Pineapple Street" to be amusing. But as I type this, it seems less so. Definitely a pattern from our last photoblog.


Look, Barbara, there are Asians in Brooklyn too!


They also have Tasti-D in Brooklyn. Barbara looks angry while eating hers, but actually, she wasn't.


I realized I couldn't take a picture of myself eating Tasti-D while actually eating it. And this made me laugh. I then wanted to erase the picture because I thought it made my forehead look big, but Barbara pointed out that that's only because my forehead is really big.


We looked at two apartments in Cobble Hill. Here's what I thought of the first:


The second one was actually lovely, but neither one of us is moving any time soon so it didn't really matter. The broker told us that what we really needed was a good "wide-bodied brownstone" to which I replied, "I love a good wide body!" He came back with "like wide-bodied airplanes" because he didn't get how clever I was. Then Barbara started laughing at him because he didn't get it and then he started laughing because he thought he was really clever. Also, he was kind of fat, so maybe he was just sensitive about it all.

While on our way home, we randomly started talking about Williams people, including [Redacted]. Barbara then remembered that she made out with him.
Here's what she thought about making out with [Redacted]:


It took me four whole hours in Brooklyn before I cracked an "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn" joke. But when I tried, I screwed the entire thing up. Anyway, here's a tree growing in Brooklyn:


We walked for four straight hours today, here we are on the bridge looking tired:


Just kidding! We had a super fun time!


***I will gladly give up the name of the Redacted Williams boy to anyone who asks me nicely***

As I increasingly dislike kids, I find things like this more amusing

This best part is really the onlooker at the end wondering why the kid didn't take a teddy bear with him.

This might have been funny during the writers' strike, but I think our standards are a little higher these days

Please take this survey

(It's a different one than last week's!)

CLICK HERE TO TAKE SURVEY!

I found this less funny because it was Dick Cheney and more funny because it speaks so well to my issues with Pandora...

Is it really that hard? Is it, Pandora?
All I want is a radio station inspired by my absolute favorite singer. You can honestly look me in the eye and tell me Michelle Branch possesses the same high level of pop sensibility and artistic integrity as a one Hilary Erhard Duff?

Totes agree, "Cheney." Pandora and I have some problems because they seem to think if you say you like Amy Winehouse that you'll also enjoy the entire soundtrack of Dreamgirls. They also think if you say you like Bruce Springsteen that you also love Weezer. Ummm... disagree. I enjoy "Sweater Song" as much as the next girl born in 1983, but "Buddy Holly" sucks and has nothing in common with "Glory Days" besides lyrics referencing the past.

I guess Pandora thinks that lazily clustering a bunch of young female singers will satiate my musical needs. Jessica Simpson? Are you nuts? You think she can hold a candle to Jo Jo? And look, I don’t mind actress/singers, but I still have TASTE. I applauded you when you played Lohan’s “Drama Queen (That Girl)”, but you then had the gall to play some Jennifer Love-Hewitt? Like she can even sing! And what’s this? Salt in my wounds when you decided to play more JLH just three tracks later after I had already given her a thumbs down? I know you have rules but when Dick Cheney hears an artist he does not like, Dick Cheney does not want to ever hear that artist again.

Mitt's list is better performed... who knew he was such a cut-up?

Unmarried brother sent this this morning with the subject "Gawdamm I luv Japan"

http://view.break.com/487616 - Watch more free videos

Apparently, living in Japan makes Unmarried Brother type like a 12-year old girl (which, is better than making him date a 12-year old girl... sadly, still a concern)

Romney's reasons for dropping out of the race

I thought these were pretty good, but I bolded my faves:

No. 10: There weren't as many Osmonds as he thought.
No. 9: Got tired of the corkscrew landings of his campaign plane while under fire
No. 8: As a lifelong hunter, I didn't want to miss the start of varmint season.
No. 7: There wasn't room for two Christian leaders in the presidential race
No. 6: I was upset that no one bothered to search my passport files.
No. 5: I'd rather get fat, grow a beard and try for the Nobel prize.
No. 4: I took a bad fall at a campaign rally and broke my hair.
No. 3: Got tired of wearing a dark suit and tie, and I wanted to kick back in a light colored suit and tie.
No. 2: When my wife realized I couldn't win the GOP nomination, my fundraising dried up.
And the No. 1 reason Romney dropped out: His campaign relied on a flawed campaign strategy that as Utah goes, so goes the nation.

Birthday Party -- Need Your Help!

Okay loyal readers, since so many of you will be invited to my birthday party, it's only fair to solicit your advice.

I know, I know, it's 3 months in advance. But we all know that start July 1, I talk about my birthday 24/7 and this year I'm turning 25 which means I'll be talking about even earlier.

Since I'm trying to arrange summer vacations as we speak, it's looking like my party will be on July 19 or 26, but I have no great ideas for what to do/where to go.

Here are the requirements:

• Must be air-conditioned.
• Must have good music to either dance or singalong to... maybe even a little country (unless that scares most of my friends away...)
• Paul's not allowed to drug me this year.
• Ellie's not allowed to moon me this year.
• Must not have a psychotic tranny bouncer who wouldn't let in half of my friends.
• None of Barbara's 50+ year old friends.

Email me your ideas!

What a GREAT day!

Last night, I got to enjoy a baseball game (a.k.a. excuse to eat a kosher hot dog) in BEAUTIFUL weather and returned home to learn that Kristy Lee Cook was kicked off Idol!

Then, this morning, my iPod randomly started playing Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There." I dare ANYONE to keep a frown on their face through all 37 key changes.

MAJOR COMPETITION FOR MY NUBRELLA

Jesse found me the Ufocap. Now I'm not sure which hands free umbrella option is better.

I'm still leaning towards the Nubrella, I think. There just seems to be a sense of quality and chicness that Ufocap doesn't have.

Time for a little BRAnd Evangelism

Okay, so I just got one of the Biofit Uplifts and, let me tell you, AMAZING. Think great fabric, awesome support, and decent (but not porn star) cleavage.

Everyone get one this week. Seriously, so comfy.

Although, classic VS having to ruin a good thing, there are rando rhinestones on the straps. Ummm... no thanks.

Le Dish needs you!

Robyn at Le Dish is going to find the best of the best of various New York foods and she needs your guidance.

Make suggestions in the comments! (I'm pulling for mint chocolate chip ice cream and falafel... so feel free to agree with me...)

Seriously dying over this one...

Courtesy of the Britta Filter.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but David Archu-awesome wasn't my favorite David last night!

I thought this was FANTASTIC!

Wood's Hole: where the fish CATCH THEMSELVES

I know we all remember my little naked mole rat obsession (and still NO ONE will go to the Bronx Zoo with me to see them), but I also have a fish obsession (and am looking for someone to go to the Brooklyn Aquarium with me too...)

Anyway, scientists in Wood's Hole are training fish to catch themselves.

If it works, the system could eventually allow black sea bass to be released into the open ocean, where they would grow to market size, then swim into an underwater cage to be harvested when they hear the signal.

Seems like a lot to train them for what will ultimately be their final trick, but pretty awesome!

"Calling our head of human resources a 'skank ho' does not gain you any plus points..."

(Stolen from Andy's shared feed...)

My father wants you to read both of these

...and my dad's often right:

• Obama's Multiple Personality Disorder
• WSJ on Tax Loopholes

Because some days I have the maturity of a 12-year old boy

Saran Wrap Prank A beautifully executed prank--I have a feeling this is going to be a huge way to own people this summer.

Also, yesterday I chuckled that there are two different high schools named "Kickapoo" for over 20 minutes.

I thought Giuliani cleaned up the city!!!

I was going to write a whole long post about this, but to be honest, there's really no way to write it that doesn't make me feel dirtier than I did seeing it firsthand.

At 6:20 PM today, in broad daylight, while I was sitting in Central Park trying to talk to my mother about my beloved puppy's deteriorating health, an "alternative-looking" skater couple moved to the grass 10 feet behind me and started having sex. And not discreetly. Like, I saw EVERYTHING.

Giuliani told me that before he took office, hookers were working every corner in Times Square. I'll be honest, I'd rather see hookers in Times Square than watch a fat Avril Lavigne lookalike and her Sk8r Boi get it on. In daylight. While talking to my mother.

So, Bloomberg, pull it together. The Pope's coming to town this weekend and I'm pretty sure he's not looking to see Biblical acts in our own Garden of Eden.

PSA: Cougars still needed

I'm still on the Cougar mailing list... so FYI:

MORE COUGARS NEEDED

Dear Karen,
We are sold out for 15 guys and would love 4 more women to balance the ratio. We seek gals 35 - 50. Real Live People Party is hosting a special event for the woman who is confident, sexy, adventurous and lives life to the fullest.
We are matching her with young, attractive and compatible males who respects that a woman ages like fine wine and gets better as she gets older. A man who recognizes this fact is way ahead of other guys.
WHEN: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 at 7:00 PM
WHERE: Madame X Lounge: 94 West Houston (Thompson & La Guardia)
WHO: Cougars 35 - 50 And Cubs 25 - 37
COST: $40.00 Prepaid Includes First Drink
RSVP: http://www.RealLivePeopleParty.com
Cheers, Ilana

Unfortunately, you may need to be more open-minded than you'd like to be. Here's one of the testimonials that's meant to remind us that beauty is only skin-deep.

Lauren After a Jewish 30s & 40s Speed Dating from New York writes:
"Last night's Jewish Speed Dating event (2/19) was fabulous. Usually, you just glance over a guy and don't give him a second chance because he's not your look. However, being forced to talk to a guy for five minutes at a Speed dating event, makes you see that's person's unique qualities. I have several dates coming up."

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly is in your face.

Speaking of relationships

I may be a *little* biased, but I think the new New Balance ads are fantastic. This is my fave.

Fix-ups DON'T make the dentist any better

My dental hygenist, Janice, LOVES me. Like, "thinks it's funny that I don't floss daily and gives me a free electric toothbrush every time I visit" loves me.

Anyway, she loves me so much she wants to set me up with her brother: a 49-year old, never-been-married, very successful construction worker in South Jersey.

I thought potential cavities were the worst part of visiting the dentist, but finding a nice way to say, "your brother sounds like a loser" was actually the most difficult. I went with, "I'm sorry, but I have a cut-off at 35. A girl has to set boundaries! (Insert awkward, fake laugh here)."

In other news, my dentist says I'm perfect. And I got a new electric toothbrush!

The New Yorker intellectualizes "The Hills"

I have yet to hear any character on the show say something interesting or funny (though there are a couple of moments that call up bits in Jessica Simpson’s reality show several years ago, such as her breaking her head over the conundrum of “chicken of the sea”) or see anything that expands my sense of what it’s like to be a young person in Los Angeles. But “The Hills” isn’t aiming to stimulate or inspire; I think people watch it mostly to figure out why they’re watching it. For younger viewers—who are the intended audience for the series—it may be a soothing fantasy about coming of age, and give them the sense that even after they leave their parents’ house they will still be the center of attention, the way these girls are.

FYI, "The Hills" is so boring this season, even I'm not watching. I'm also awaiting the New Yorker's thoughts on "Rock of Love 2" with baited breath.

If I were you, I'd take precautions

Jesse had this on her blog earlier and I was reminded of just how fantastic it is.

I love the opening. I miss big pants. I hate that I didn't learn how to do the dance until it was 8 years out of style...

Not even the McCain girls were real

So it turns out they weren't real... still doesn't take away the memory of the old lady's skirt disappearing into the green screen.

I think McCain knew they were fake though. There's no way he watched that "several times" and found it "very entertaining."

The way to wake up...

I usually wake up to anything guaranteed to get me out of bed (popular wake-up tracks include: "Born to Run," "9 to 5," "Just Fine," "Angel of Harlem," and "You Can't Take the Honky Tonk Out of the Girl"). Anyway, not sure what I meant to set my alarm for this morning, but I woke up to Martha Reeves and the Vandellas' "Dancing in the Streets" and it's put me in the best morning... despite needing to go to the dentist. I tried to find a video, but none of them would embed properly.

Sooooooo... Happy Monday! With David Bowie and Mick Jagger singing "Dancing in the Street."

Phil Hughes & I have so much in common!

I know, I know, on first pass, the differences between me and the 6'5" 21-year old Yankees pitcher seem vast, but it turns out that:

• We're both bloggers!
• We both watch the Office!
• We both like egg salad!
• Neither one of us can successfully pitch against the Red Sox!

Seriously, Phil (phughes34@gmail.com), I'm sorry you've been disappointed in your internet connection in Boston (not fast enough to watch The Office online and/or blog regularly), but let's try and focus up because your 9.00 ERA has a negative effect on my mood and sanity.

Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me #3

I sing the "Princess Pat" annually at our family talent show. Complete with choreography.

Ellie & Karen create plotlines for the 2nd season of "The Paper"

me: maybe you can tell [school redacted] if they hire you, you'll get mtv to film the show there
Ellie: and part of the scandal could be that i'm constantly showing up for work on ecstasy
and i'm like teaching the kids how to rave
me: YES
and the kids report it in the paper
Ellie: yeah
me: and it's a blind item
and the head of upper school calls you in to demand that you tell him who it is
but you can't
b/c it's you!
Ellie: and i keep telling the head of the upper school that the lights in his office and really bright and really beautiful
and they really make me want to dance
me: and then you pull out a glow stick
Ellie: yessss
me: and start swirling it around the room while stripping to a camisole
and mtv flashes to "to be continued"
Ellie: perfect!
i'll call the casting scouts
i have their business card on my desk

Changing any ideas I ever had about what travel writers are like...

...some douchebag who used to work for the Lonely Planet claims he was so underpaid, he had to deal drugs.

In one case, he said he had not even visited the country he wrote about.
"They didn't pay me enough to go Colombia,'' he said.
"I wrote the book in San Francisco. I got the information from a chick I was dating - an intern in the Colombian Consulate.
"They don't pay enough for what they expect the authors to do.''

The glow of computer screens doesn't improve 16-year old skin

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

"The Paper" premieres on MTV tomorrow (Monday) night, but you can already download the premiere for free on iTunes. I watched it. If you like high school kids with acne sitting in front of computers, this is the show for you. Also, some times they eat chicken fingers. And get "stressed."

Seriously, any high school club can have enough drama for a reality tv show, but that doesn't mean it needs to be produced. Apparently MTV is already scouting locations for a second season. Ellie is the current advisor of her school's newspaper, but sadly, she wasn't interesting enough for them to want her.

What You Should Have Read This Weekend

Time for a little op-ed round-up!

• NR Editors on Why President Bush Should Not Attend the Beijing Olympics
• VDH on Liberalism
• David Brooks on Memory
• The WaPo on Marketing McCain

Another day, another restaurant, another problem with a waiter

We had been planning our super fun bison lunch for weeks and, I, for one, couldn't wait. If you haven't had a bison burger... you're sorely missing out.

Anyway, Ted's Montana Grill is conveniently located across the street from my office and serves delish bison burgers (as well as bison chili which I find intriguing but never get). Some things you should know about Ted's:

1. It's a chain restaurant.
2. It's owned by Ted Turner.
3. They're trying to be eco-friendly so the tables are covered in brown paper stamped with "Recycled" and the straws are recycled too.
4. That's right, the straws are recycled. This is gross because a) they get wet/chewy and b) they look like tiny tampon applicators.

We arrived for our awesome lunch and met our waiter, Harlan, and it was immediately clear that he was new and that I was not going to like him.

Like a hounddog, Harlan was slow, hairy, and stupid. Fortunately, the bison was awesome but dealing with the check proved to be a nightmare when he confused splitting the check with "dividing the check but still putting each of the smaller amounts on one card."

So, Ted Turner, keep up with your awesome bison but scrap Harlan and the tampon straws.

PS: You can also read about our lunch from Robyn at Le Dish.

Karen beats a real Asian at Asian identification

Barbara and Karen chat while watching the Miss USA Pageant

Barbara: ohhh miss congeniality
i don't know if this is true in american pageants but in asian pageants the ugliest girl always won miss congeniality
me: how can they tell when all asians look the same?
Barbara: well obvi asian ppl can tell other asian ppl apart
me: oh, true
Barbara: have you ever taken the test?
http://www.alllooksame.com/
me: i'm about to

3 minutes pass...

me: i got 9 out of 18
which is better than the average of 7
Barbara: ohhh you're good! i think i got a 7
me: wait, so i beat a real asian?
SWEET!!!
Barbara: maybe you are really an egg
me: or just super culturally aware

Sprint's having nucking futs customer service issues

Every part of this made me laugh, (thanks, Andy!)

Competing (but still probably losing out to) Bagel-fuls in the GROSS department

Dude, seriously, learn to boil your own eggs. I mean, really.

In egg-related news, on Tuesday my cab driver double fisted hardboiled eggs on the way home. Like, hardboiled egg in each hand, driving with his wrists. And, in case you weren't sure, hardboiled eggs do not enhance cab odors.

MILF Island!

Last night's 30 Rock was AMAZING. Simply fantastic.

Karen & Ellie discuss piercings...

Ellie: she has her nipple pierced
it is trashy
although every now and then i get a VERY strong urge to get my nose pierced
i think it looks really good on some people
me: it won't on you
Ellie: i know
maybe if i move overseas
me: your face doesn't change when you move abroad

Poor email targeting

I received this today. I don't know how I ended up on this list, but I'm kind of bothered!

Dear Karen,

We sold out our first Cougar event and we're half sold for our second. Don't miss this one. Sign up soon. Real Live People Party is hosting a special event for the woman who is confident, sexy, adventurous and lives life to the fullest.

We are matching her with young, attractive and compatible males who respects that a woman ages like fine wine and gets better as she gets older. A man who recognizes this fact is way ahead of other guys.

WHEN: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 at 7:00 PM
WHERE: Madame X Lounge: 94 West Houston (Thompson & La Guardia)
WHO: Cougars 35 - 50 And Cubs 25 - 37
COST: $40.00 Prepaid Includes First Drink
RSVP: http://www.RealLivePeopleParty.com

UrbanCougar.com calls New York the Cougar Capital where a sophisticated species of female seeks the pleasure of younger males..." Remember the original cougar Mrs Robinson from The Graduate? We've come a long way baby! Demi Moore, Madonna, Susan Sarandon, Kim Cattrall and who can forget Cher with her string of young, sexy boy toys. It time for the ladies to enjoy guys who show them the respect they deserve, who are young, vibrant, ready, willing and able.

For the guys...it's a chance to live out a fantasy of the older woman who is more experienced and knows what she wants and who can really be herself with him because she's really comfortable in her own skin.

Cheers, Ilana

On semi-colons:

Arguments FOR:

I love it; it is useful for many things. My understanding is, it is correctly used to join two complete, but related sentences; this way, the reader feels the link, albeit subtly. I love it so much, in fact, that I am currently writing a story made up of only semi-colons; it is quite a challenge, but I believe in it very much.
George Saunders

AGAINST:

If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

Kurt Vonnegut

UNDECIDED:

I use it. I've no feelings about it - it's just there. People actually get worked up about that kind of shite, do they? I don't fucking believe it. They should get a fucking life or a proper job. They've got too much time on their hands, to think about nonsense.

Irvine Welsh

Read the rest.

Ummm... I kind of want this... if there was a way to guarantee no one would laugh at me

It's Nubrella! The Hands Free umbrella! My birthday is July 28. You can order it from Hammacher Schlemmer starting next month.

If you have hours AND hours to kill

(Cough, cough, my unemployed friends)

Click here and enjoy the 50 greatest comedy sketches of all time. I haven't had a chance to go through it yet, but I have faith that some good ones were picked.

Suckabee is up to something...

It's been a while since we heard from Huckabee. Last time he was dropping sports metaphors like they were hot. Now he's launching something new and super cool at mikehuckabee.com.

Incidentally, it's taking Mike longer to build a web page then it took God to build the universe.*

*According to Huckabee/other creationists

Turns out this was a repeat performance for David Archu-Awesome

Like a little singing strumpet, David's been singing "Angels" to any group of pre-teen girls who will listen.

Williams is not so good at QC-ing its emails

Okay, I can't make the screenshot look nicer. The point is, the subject was "EphNotes - December 2007" but the email arrived today and the actual email said "April 2008."

Paul sold for $175!

me: how much did the most expensive date go for?
Paul: i think a girl went for $300
or $325
me: i think $175 is great
Paul: there were some hot hot girls
me: is the girl cute/jewish?
Paul: i thought she was kind of cute
my friends didn't
me: your friends didn't
Paul: nah
me: well, she's trolling for dates at an auction
no one likes aids that much
Paul: yeah
there were some hot girls there
me: hiv positive probs
Paul: so
me: oh good point
Paul: i win!
me: well, if you can't beat me at scrabble, i suppose an aids off is the next best thing

Please take this survey

Seriously, I need people to take this for work. Since so many of my friends are able to chat all day on gchat, I think they should be able to take a survey about gift cards (2-10 minutes, I promise).

SURVEY

"I can't believe I just high-fived a homeless person:" Barbara and Karen's First Baseball Game of the Season

So last night Barbara and I went to the Mets/Phillies game at Shea! We're big fans of going to games when you don't care who wins because then you can talk/leave whenever you want.

Best things about Shea last night:

• Delicious kosher hot dogs!
• David Wright's face is everywhere!
• Barbara and I took enough pictures for this little photo blog!

Worst things about Shea last night:

• It was DIRTY -- seriously, I know they're moving to a new stadium, but you'd think they'd use a little Windex for opening week
• It was COLD/RAINY

Questions we had after the game:

• Karen still doesn't understand slugging percentage
• Barbara would like to know if Damion Easley is part Asian

Here I am being confused as to why it's 42 and raining when weather.com promised me 57 degrees and clear skies.




Here's Barbara being surprised about something. I don't remember what.


Here's a shot of the field for context.


Barbara took a picture of David Wright's name/face on the screen. I don't know why either. In fact, I'm realizing I should have jotted down notes so I remembered why we decided to photo blog this in the first place. Keep going though, good stuff's coming up!

See that dude in front of me in the stars & stripes cap? He was a either a dirty/smelly/toothless homeless man or a dirty/smelly/toothless/homeless-looking Mets fan. Anyway, the Mets scored a lot of runs/the Phillies made a TON of errors in the bottom of the 3rd and the guy in front of me got too excited and high-fived me. Gross! I'm looking at my hand and thinking about the germs.

Bottom of the third and the Phillies made four errors already!

Barbara and I had a super fun time! How cute are we???

Right by our seats, some people got in a fight with a Phillies fan and the Cotton Candy vendor had to break it up and escort the Phillies fan out.

I was scared so I ducked.

Middle of the 4th = time for some Kosher Hot Dog goodness. [Insert your immature kosher and/or hot dog joke here] Also, notice how perfectly my ketchup/mustard is applied? Barbara was jealous.

Here I am going home on the 7 and looking sad because my fingers are frostbitten.

So that was our evening! Barbara's contemplating switching and becoming a Mets fan since Barry Bonds doesn't play for the Giants any more and they share the color orange. I don't really follow that logic at all...

I saw this on Andy's gchat away message and thought it was uber funny

Apparently "I" sent this to "BJ" in honor of today's meeting/tasks required of me/etc

I can't believe "I" did that!

Irony is...

...attending a full day long meeting on "new media use" while IMing/emailing with your boss and teammates about how terrible the meeting is.

New fave Postcard from someone else's Momma

Do u think the polygamy girls realize yet that they were victims of fashion abuse as well?

I'm having what we in the ad biz call "a shitty day"

Sadly, the little charts Robyn sent me have kept me giggling most of the afternoon. My two faves:

Revisiting break-ups

Just in case you don't have enough to do on your next trip to Croatia (a trip I'm taking in September...), consider swinging by the Museum of Broken Relationships:

The museum has everything from romantic and touching letters to different gifts given to lovers like teddy bears and photos, but also such unusual examples as leg prothesis donated by a war veteran who fell in love with his physiotherapist or a gall stone. Every single object on display is anonymous, and has a short description of the item related to the relationship that was behind.

When I travel, the only baggage I like to deal with is my own -- and not the emotional baggage of some Croatian farmers, but whatevs.

I'm loving YOU instead, David Archu-AWESOME

Last night, my favorite 17-year old Mormon boy in the world did a stunningly beautiful performance of Robbie Williams' "Angels."

Bagelful update

A while ago, we brought you the news of Bagelfuls, the delicious(?), convenient(?), frozen snack. Turns out, however, that such a good idea is not brand new. In fact, it's a total rip-off of the Bageler.

Wow!

Not surprisingly, I very much enjoy sports montages set to Luther Vandross music. So "One Shining Moment" is usually a highlight of the college basketball season for me.

Last night's game was incredible! And I think my senseless, but unquivering support for KU was probably instrumental in their victory. Or not.

Boston's full of weirdos

Ellie: boston's got a lot of messed up weirdos
have you seen gone baby gone
or the departed, for example
me: i saw the departed
actually, i saw 2/3 of it
b/c i fastforwarded through the violent bits
Ellie: the whole movie was violent
me: okay, so i saw 1/4 of it
no, some times they were hanging out in bars
Ellie: true

FOTC Hip Hop Battle

From Ellie, insanely funny.

She actually can't drive quite yet, but I didn't remind her of that...

Barbara: god, why is everyone engaged/has a bf/gf
me: who else?
Barbara: even [redacted]'s brother is now "in a relationship"
me: OMG... i totally already emailed her about that this morning
Barbara: haha
so now [redacted]'s bro has two things that i don't have and (kind of) want:
1. a significant other
2. a bowflex
there's something wrong with the world
at least i can drive and he can't, yet

Other Dangerous Historical Events Hillary Clinton Experienced As First Lady

From McSweeney's, natch:

Event
Camera malfunctions during photo shoot for Vogue cover.

Clinton Description
"I remember landing under sniper fire. The flash from the camera was obviously a mortar attack, and I managed to wrap myself in the backdrop to avoid detection. I stabbed the perpetrator in the back with a letter opener—a skill I learned while president of the Young Republicans at Wellesley—and detained the criminal until the military arrived."

The McCain Girls are back and... well, definitely not better...

Digital Footprint

me: weird that he has NO digital footprint
Evan: i'm jealous
me: i searched record archives
Evan: wish i could erase mine
me: well, when you go to that many porn sites, there are repurcussions
Evan: luckily my user name for most sites is karen.p.untereker

World's littlest person doesn't creep me out!

Jyoti is the world's smallest person and at 15 years old is currently 1 ft 11 inches tall.

Like any other teenager, she loves listening to pop music and watching DVDs and even hopes to become a Bollywood actress.
She has recently recorded an album with her favourite Indian pop star, Mika Singh.

Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me #2

I know all the words to Ludacris' "Yous a ho."

UPDATE #1: It turns out the official title of the song is just, "Ho."
UPDATE #2: Bootsy is questioning whether or not there are other lyrics. The answer is a resounding "yes!" Only someone from Crotchkiss would ask such silly questions...

Recapping last night (where bad was funny and Sal was bad)

A year ago, I learned about a comedy duo, Stone and Stone, and I was immediately intrigued about their act seeing as they were totally not funny in person. Fortunately, the put me on their mailing list and I've been kept in the loop since then.

Finally, I was able to clear my schedule and con Jonathan and Barbara into going with me. Unfortunately, the show was at 7 PM so I was sober. And I think we all know that bad comedy, like ugly people, is better tolerated with more liquor.

Before starting the show, I bought a hard cider because I thought I liked cider. Nope, I don't. Hard cider just tastes like appley beer and I hate beer so I was suddenly confronted with the possibility of not even being tipsy during the show.

Long story short, the Stone brothers, fresh off the high of appearing in a Verizon commercial, opened the show with some monologues that weren't funny, but I fake laughed. Here's a sample of some of their work so you understand what we're dealing with. You won't want to watch the whole thing, but keep reading the post, because we move away from the Stones pretty quickly.



After about 15 minutes of that, I had suddenly consumed half my cider and learned that they had comedic guests who would be performing.

First up was Soce the Elemental Wizard, a Jewish, Gay MC whose dayjob is to be the IT guy at an Investment Bank. Sadly, the intro was the best part since we were then treated to two of his original songs including "I'm Dickless. I forgot to put my dick on. I am a loser." That's all I remember, but you can follow the link and listen to it.

Next up was Sal. You probably have an uncle who gets drunk at holidays and makes everyone wildly uncomfortable by saying all of the things you should never say in front of family ever. That's Sal's act. I spent the whole time hoping he wouldn't call on me to ask if I'd ever been with a prostitute and finished my cider.

Finally, Greg Walloch made an appearance. Greg's a gay, disabled comedian, presently living in Harlem. I'm not sure if he was legitimately funny, funny by comparison, or funny because I was tipsy on my one cider and no food since breakfast. Any way you slice it, I laughed, especially at his last joke, which I conveniently found on youtube:



After that, I turned into a major Debbie Downer for the rest of the night. Seriously, I was a total pill.

My apologies to Barbara and Jonathan for making them attend and to all of you for making you read the recap.

UPDATE: I just learned on Wikipedia that Soce went to Yale. I just thought you should know that.
UPDATE #2: Barbara thought I should tell you all that we paid a cover and that there was no drink minimum. Also, this whole shindig took place at the PIT on West 29th.

Someone's trying to Rickroll the Mets

So someone on Digg started a campaign to Rickroll the Mets by leading a write-in campaign to select Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" as the new singalong song.

While it's certainly better than the Friends theme song, it seems like a pretty cruel prank.

It's also a lesson in how to run a good promotion. Ummm... hello, Mets marketing department? NEVER put a write-in option when you don't have to.

We'll see how it pans out, but it already had 8,442 Diggs when I shared this and Digg-ers can be pretty committed so they may succeed...

What Brings You Here?

It's time for another "what brings you here" round up! Here are some of the search terms that have stuck out as being... interesting.

A reminder that in order to qualify for "interesting," the term itself must be odd or oddly arranged/punctuated/spelled OR it has to be amusing to me and/or make me question why anyone would type that into Google in the first place.

• "Porn ironing" (Okay, I know we've seen porn ironing before, but it's back! And it cracked the top 10 on my list of search terms. Must have been a big week in the world of XXX laundry...)
• "meghan mccain" chub (I think this is just plain mean. And I'm pretty sure it was Evan).
• "williams college" "secret frat" (AWESOME!)
• how to write a good date auction form (I ended up not being helpful at all to Paul, but we'll check in with him and see if anyone bought him...)
• i hate sandra lee kwanzaa cake (I COMPLETELY agree!)
• older tranny
• quick wit thoughts (Thank you!)
• scary tranny midget
• the thoughts of cocaine? (I don't know what they were looking for in this one. Thoughts about cocaine? What cocaine thinks about?)

All in all, a pretty solid two weeks for search!

I'm still laughing as I post this...

Okay, some people said this was boring. The first half is a little slow going, but the second half is pretty much the funniest thing ever. So either give it a shot or skip to the 2:30 mark.

Unfortunate!

Tonight we're having a mini-reunion of people from my former office at Le Souk.

Also, Le Souk lost its liquor license today.

Sad face.

How I'm celebrating post #500...

Well, kiddos, you've all been wondering how I'll be celebrating my 500th post.

I've decided to provide you all with a little more insight into me through a new irregularly occuring feature: "Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me"

Something you may or may not be surprised to learn about me #1

• I always memorize the medallion number of every cab I'm in.

500th Post!

Hello Readers,

This is my 500th blog post! Super excited and feeling like such a blog rock star right now since I really thought this would be one of my many projects that I pick up and never complete (Ummm... knitting? Trombone? Piano? Six dropped majors in college?)

Thank you all for reading, forwarding, posting comments, and sending me tips. Keep everything coming because it not only helps me enhance blog content, but also gives me a good idea of what you'd like to see in the future.

Also, thank you to my friends who let me blog our gchat convos even though I never ask for permission. Even the ones who take me off the record and then don't get mad when I take screenshots.

XOXO,
Unterekless

Maria, this is what I do...

Earlier this week, Maria fessed up that she didn't know the difference between Marketing, Advertising, and PR.

So, in illustrations from ZAG, here's what Marketing is:




And this is Advertising:

And this is PR:

And Branding (a freebie for my friends in the industry):

Let me know if you have questions...

My mom's super kewl!

me: Mom just used LOL in an email to me!
She's OOC!
Married Brother: she says "any hoo" all the time too
we must put an end to this behavior
me: this is worse than when she learned to raise the roof
Married Brother: or toss the salad
me: we never told her what that meant
Married Brother: I certainly didn't

Scariest 8-year old girl EVER!

Ummm... courtesy of David. The language/content isn't suitable for work. Frankly, it isn't suitable for anything except birth control.

Seriously, when I was her age, I was playing hopscotch on my driveway and taking piano lessons.

Countdown to the Williams '05 reunion begins

Elena: speaking of volunteering for positions
think about what you want to do for the reunion
:)
me: i'll just do whatever you want, elena
give me a job and it'll be done on time and under budget
and with a lot of sarcasm
Elena: completely fair
me: i'll do reunion promos for you on my blog though
you can't pay for that kind of press

Sibling advice

me: seriously though
i have too many friends as is
Unmarried Brother: I wish I had your problems
me: i'd say i wish i had yours, but "guess which singapore air stewardess is carrying my baby" doesn't sound like a fun game to me
Unmarried Brother: that hurts Karen
especially b/c I've never gotten w/ a Singaporean
despite lots of trying
me: sorry, to bring up something so painful
but it's good to keep some dreams... you know? something to work for
Unmarried Brother: Thanks for being so open minded
me: might be easier than i thought:
http://www.best-singapore-vacation.com/singapore-sarong-party-girl.html
Unmarried Brother: thanks

Hot date with a Russian

Tonight I'm spending a little time with a Russian baritone, Dmitri Hvorostovsky.

If you had been at my office at 4 PM when I was on my mid-afternoon post-peanut butter M&Ms sugar high, you would have gotten to hear me read the entire article aloud in a Russian accent.

Sadly, only Robyn experienced it firsthand... but I feel comfortable adding Russian to my list of available accents on my resume.

Baseball news entirely unrelated to the game itself

Reason besides Red Sox fans not to go to Fenway:

• Hawk attacks

Reason besides having to take the 7 train not to go to Shea:

• Possibility of a Friends theme song singalong

Tim Riggins is BACK!

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS HAS BEEN RENEWED FOR A THIRD SEASON!!!

Putting the "ho" in "hobo"

John McCain for Best Actor

John McCain was teased on MSNBC's Morning Joe Thursday for saying he was "honored" to have Heidi Montag's endorsement.

"We were extraordinarily impressed at your ability to look right into the camera and lie about the fact that you're a huge fan of The Hills," host Joe Scarborough said (at 48 seconds into the video above). "Heidi Montag on your side – you got that going for you."

"That was pretty good wasn't it?" McCain replied. "Well, she's a very talented actress."

"He did it again!" Scarborough remarked.

[...]

On Wednesday, following Montag's endorsement in Us Weekly, McCain told Time.com's Swampland blog, "I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of The Hills, especially since the new season started."

From Us Weekly

Tracey Ullman as Dina Lohan

Sixty and ripped...

Ladies, the hottest guys in the gym are apparently 60+ these days:

In the last five years, the number of men and women in their 60’s and 70’s competing in United States Bodybuilding Federation shows has doubled to 16.

Have a sexy camel? Win $9MM!

So it turns out the UAE has camel beauty pageants. Not a surprise.

If Will Arnett and Amy Poehler weren't so cute together, I'd break them up so I could have him myself

Really, every sentence in this Radar interview is worth reading, but the opening is priceless.

Will Arnett: Before we start ... can I borrow $1,700?Radar: What's it for? I'm trying to get my new toy line off the ground.

Radar: Toy line?

Will: Trannie-babies! Little transgendered dolls for kids who are thinking about having sex changes.

So true, so true!

I never did a proper tribute yesterday

Monday's Opening Day was postponed until yesterday for Yankees fans. Fortunately, it all went quite well -- Wang, Melky, and Joba reminded me that there is young talent on the team... since I've been generally depressed since last year about my team.

Since it was the final opening day in the Cathedral of Baseball, I thought it appropriate to include a familiar quote from Annie Savoy in Bill Durham:

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting nder .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

Another "Stuff X People Like" copy... this time a little more kosher!

Hot on the heels of "Stuff White People Like" is "Stuff Jewish Young Adults Like" which, as a German-Irish Episcopalian who is often mistaken for a Russian Jew/Lebanese woman, I find quite amusing.

And what do Jewish Young Adults like?
NPR! Taking Jesus' name in vain! Writing for television! Ultimate frisbee! Ironic Jewish-themed t-shirts!

What else do Jewish Young Adults like?
Blogging...

Giselle's beauty = not that natural

Nice find, Britta!

AI Dolly Week

So I was all wrong about the song list and Jason Castro (blech) sang "Travelin' Thru." I also was mildly disappointed in my beloved David Archuleta's performance and may have called him David Archu-average. However, after Carly, I think David was my second fave.

David:


Carly:

She's f***ing Obama

Thanks to my new sister for the awesome tip!

Get ready for Dolly Parton on Idol tonight!

Learning that David Archuleta will be performing Dolly Parton's "Travelin' Thru" has pretty much made my entire day. Although my day was bad, so that didn't take much.

Travelin' Thru is the kind of song that gets you through a tough time with a little smile on your face... or gets you through a weekend in Jackson Hole where you sing it on repeat with Amy and Bootsy. Dolly's version below, David's version to come first thing tomorrow:

Recipe for Success

Go here and follow the step by step instructions for making a cat litter cake. It's a little too close to the real thing for me to want to eat it (warming up tootsie rolls and shaping them like cat feces doesn't say yummy to me), but "Andrea" should be praised for her commitment to accuracy.

Yuck... but let's face facts, I'm intrigued.

Barbara on speltings & kebabs

Barbara: um, i tried leaving a comment on your blog
and i just realized that i spelt my own NAME wrong
no wonder i don't have a job
me: also, it's "spelled"
Barbara: OH NO i wasn't wrong!
it's the british past tense for spell
i'm just going back to my brit roots
me: you're not british, you're chinese
Barbara: i grew up in a british colony and have a british passport
me: barbara, you can't pick and choose your nationality
Barbara: i SO can
me: you regularly tell me that you're chinese AND that chinese people are the best
Barbara: it's called being "multicultural"
me: i don't get to pick between being american and lebanese
Barbara: well you're NOT lebanese!
me: but people think i am, so i'm still a victim
Barbara: but i have a brit passport and a hong hong passport
it might get you a discount if we go get kebabs
me: ???
Barbara: aren't kebabs lebanese?
me: oh, i thought you meant your hong kong passport could get me a discount on kebabs
Barbara: oh nooo...though that would be pretty awesome

Say hello to your friends! Say hello to the people who care!

In 10th grade, we went as the Baby Sitters Club for Halloween and I got stuck as Claudia. I was not pleased with this because Claudia was:
a) a poor student
b) artsy
c) a weird dresser
However, my closet was full of oddly-patterned leggings and I managed to pull off an incredible outfit (blue & purple paisley dress over black & white paisley leggings)!

Fortunately, Kim, from Amherst, Mass, is profiling Claudia's outfits with detail never seen before... and that gets Kim our nomination for best non-Unterekless blog of the week!

"Claudia's reaction took me by surprise. 'The look is all wrong for you,' she said. 'It's not who you are.' Can you imagine Claud - of all people - saying that? I just shrugged. (Cool kids shrug a lot.) But inside I was steaming. I guess Claudia thought it was okay for her and Stacey to be stylish and cute, but not me. No. I was just plain, wholesome Dawn, and I was supposed to stay that way.
I decided she might even be jealous. She might not want anyone looking more 'unique' than she herself did.
So, by the time of our Wednesday afternoon BSC meeting, I was pretty angry at Claudia. I slumped on her bed, chewing hard on a wad of pink bubble gum. (It was sugarless.)
'I've never seen you chew gum before,' Stacey observed.
'There's a first time for everything,' I replied."

Let's review what we've learned so far. 1. If it isn't oversized, it isn't fashion. 2. sweat skirts = height of fashion. 3. Cool kids shrug a lot. 4. Claudia can drive a person to gum-chewing with a few fashion critiques. GUM CHEWING, people.